I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I will be naked everywhere
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
