My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
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Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
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I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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