If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
accomplished twins. life is a go
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
