apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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