Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am one with the molecules
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
