Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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