She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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