Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
