Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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