Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
