i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
