I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
