if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
