Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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