morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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