my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
