OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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