I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
