had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
