so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Did I show you my penis last night?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
