mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Randomize
