Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
