I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
