I cannot find my penis.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
