I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I need to sanitize my soul.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
