and she was petting her beer can
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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