My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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