Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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