she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I want a musical about memes.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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