You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize