Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Say something about gay babies.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
