This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
