just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
