Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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