It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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