So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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