Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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