THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
