i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
