i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
