End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
