Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize