He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is wine microwaveable?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
