Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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