So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
