his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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