He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
