I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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