Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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