you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
