he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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