Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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