Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
