I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize