i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
