It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
