I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
