why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
