i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
