Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
