my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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