4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
