The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it glows. i had to have it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
