she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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