Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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