I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Enjoy the penises
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
