Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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