you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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