im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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