I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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