he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
