remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
