dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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