some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
