Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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