so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
