i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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