i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You took a bar mat shot.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
