What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
