I just made out with a guy for $7.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
